
the Life of Agony Depression Demo
by Becky Miller
Life of Agony has enjoyed a surge in popularity over the last 4-5 years, especially among younger hardcore kids. There are probably half a dozen bands right now that cover the title track from River Runs Red, as well as a handful who take a stab at the Plexiglass Gate intro (I dare someone to attempt the whole song.) But LOA had a long and interesting history leading up to their classic albums and comp track. They have more demos than most bands I can think of, besides Dmize, who had 3 demos that saw the light of day via their unauthorized Lost & Found release, plus "about seven other demos" as described by Beto in an interview by my dude Christoph of Cheap Thrills (coming soon in Double Rabies Zine).
What interests me most about the LOA demos is the evidence of their evolution as a band, both musically and lyrically. Out of their four demos, only the third (the Depression Demo) and fourth (the Stain Remains demo) are widely available. I am most curious to hear the first demo, because it's the one I know the least about, and in my mind it's connected to the era when they used to be called Capital Punishment and changed their name to Life of Agony when it came to Alan in a dream. If anyone out there has a dub or mp3's, feel free to pass them along. (While we're at it, I'm also actively seeking a copy of the first Minus Merauder demo, the one with Extreme Fallacy and maybe Take by Force.)
A few tracks from the second demo (Step Aside and Colorblind) are available on that 1989-1999 CD, but from that small sample I'm not dying (on the inside, or otherwise) to hear the rest of it. I was already thoroughly in love with the third demo recording of Step Aside when I heard the second demo version, and the latter comes off as too hurried. Usually songs are slower in their original incarnation, and become slightly faster in their later recordings (kind of how songs always seem faster live than recorded, except for when Leeway plays Marathon live), but this one breaks the mold. Colorblind is pretty much the same story, but I'm less attached to it than I am to Step Aside, so it doesn't bother me as much. I would be curious to hear the rest of the demo if there were other songs I had never heard before, rather than just undeveloped versions of Depression Demo tunes, but I'm not holding my breath to get ahold of a copy.
So that this doesn't turn out like the '89 Demos article in IQNM #1, where I was about to extol the virtues of the 1989 Integrity demo when I realized that I actually liked the 1987 demo better, for the rest of this article I am going to limit myself to the description of the Depression Demo. Out of their four demos, this one is probably my favorite. It's 8 songs, so you get the most for your listen. And it has more of a distinct sound than the fourth demo, which is a demo in a more literal sense, in that three of the five songs ended up on RRR. Instead of foreshadowing the later LOA sound, the Depression Demo is sparer and less melodic than their other material. It sounds more like a cross between early Biohazard and Sheer Terror, with a little bit of the distortion on the title track of The Vanishing Point thrown in. The only thing I like more about the fourth demo is the epic radio intro at the beginning of Depression because it sets the mood so well. I also love the opening track, Here I Am, Here I Stay, which is the highlight of the demo and doesn't appear on any other releases (besides that aforementioned '89-'99 CD.) This song is so good, so I kind of regret presenting it as an afterthought, but if I need to praise it further, I guess I can save that for the pages of my own zines, rather than wasting more space here.
Another reason I have such a soft spot for the Depression demo is because I listened to it over and over during one of the worst times in my life. Luckily my outlook on a lot of stuff has changed, but it was the perfect soundtrack to that time (along with District 9, the second Conviction 7", and both Nobody's Perfect demos.) There's a lot going on in these 8 songs, but I will try to do each of them justice (here is justice, here is punishment) in the following synopsis:
No Sympathy is a great four minute opener, full of venomous and incisive phrasing. Between the LOA version and the Brawl Park tune of the same name, I'm going with LOA by a narrow margin. It contains some great chains of rhymes, especially in the second verse. (Bear with me on the lyrical approximation here; I've never had the pleasure of seeing a lyrics sheet. I tried to write out the complete lyrics for the demo in 2006, but I've never gotten anyone to correct or confirm them … yet.) "You created a wall of hate, I'll say it straight to your face, inject your veins with deepest pain (BETTER YOU THAN ME)…" Although Killing Time came up with Wall of Hate first, it sounds damn good in the LOA version too. The "you brought this on yourself" part makes me want to yell "KARMA!" Next Step Up style. But the highlight of the second verse is probably the end. "Just smoke in my eyes, my rage intensifies, never will you be, my priority. Maybe you will realize, there's no chance to compromise, you must be skinned alive." See why I want confirmation on some of these lyrics? If Keith Caputo really does speculate about skinning someone alive, that fucking rules, but I need to know for sure.
Dying on the Inside is maybe the hardest and definitely the saddest track on the demo. It's got its share of wild lyrics too (I'm pretty sure that one line goes "for this my dear there's no excuse, a great day to die for being loose") and a bunch of heavy parts. I've always been curious about the exact wording at 2:58, although as a running nerd I tend to sing it as "if love doesn't work, I'll wear Brooks Adrenalines," even though I'm more of an Ariel/Addiction lady myself. The saddest part is probably the spoken "it's all I, it's all I had" at the end. Which is a perfect bridge to Caputo's ruminations on depression in the next track…
As stated before, the radio intro on the fourth demo recording of Depression gives that version the edge, but as the title track of the third demo, it's still a great song. "Well they say that every dog has his day, but the obituaries never print my name." There is also a great rhyme about procrastination and hesitation, and I love songs that discuss procrastination (see also Rag Men - Insomnia.) The riff immediately following the verses is one of the hardest parts of the demo, and I totally want to steal it. Skinny Joey Z, kick it to me! I was listening to this demo a ton right around the time I graduated from college, so when my ex gave me a plastic tiger (aka my college's mascot) as a little graduation gift, I promptly named it Skinny Joey Z, SJZ for short. After a brief interlude, there is one last hard part in the vein of East Coast Assault vol. 1 style mosh.
For Those Who Hate Me starts off in the same vein musically, but is much shorter and more melodic than many of the tracks on this demo. "What is wrong with the life I lead?" There's nothing wrong with a 2 minute tune on a demo where three songs exceed six minutes, but it's not one of the most important songs either.
THIS IS MY HOME THIS IS THE HOME OF THE BRAVE … Break the Chains is sort of unique in its self righteousness and lyrical content as compared to the rest of the demo, but not as unique as Method of Groove is (what up Henry Apel's new record label!) compared to the rest of RRR, because RRR is more definitely a concept album than this demo. (While we are talking concept albums, may I interject that I always considered Train Yard Blues to be an unofficial concept album, not about graffiti as the sound clips would suggest, but a concept album about the brain.) Lyrically it advocates education and breaking the chains (kind of like in Turning Point-Insecurity, and a great Wisdom in Chains shirt design which I should have bought.) Some serious mosh parts, serious echo effect, and it clocks in at just about four minutes.
Next up is Colorblind; as I mentioned earlier, a faster original version appears on the second demo. "I'm not trying to preach to you or tell you how to live your life…" While taking a stand against racism is a nice sentiment, musically this song does not measure up to some of the other tracks on the demo.
In My Youth: I originally thought this was one of the weakest songs on the demo, but I eventually gained an appreciation for it. Caputo gets points for using "hijinks", just as Pledge of Resistance did a decade later. "The world will still spin, with or without me." Although it does have a decent mosh part at the end, overall it's a shorter song and merely a prelude to another, more epic track … in this case STEP A-SIIIIIIIIDE!
On the scale of egregious dubbing errors, whoever cut off the opening "STEP A-" from its companion "SIIIIIIIDE" and ensuing mosh part is right up there with my BFF Stefan P accidentally eradicating the echoey BEACH BEACH BEACH part between the Howard Beach Reprise and Skinny Song Outro. But the mp3 quality matters little for the mosh part that follows. Like the tempo changes that cemented my love for Biohazard, the early mosh is the perfect slow-fast-slow setup. Step Aside is the longest and most vindictive song on the demo; LOA has saved the best for last. The first logical place you'd think the song would be over, there's actually over 4 minutes left. I CAN DO MUCH BETTER THAN YOOOUUUUU … this is seriously the ultimate breakup song. I wonder if it's about the same girl that inspired Dying on the Inside; either way, some young lady has grievously wronged Mr. Caputo. This song is begging to be covered, even if no one would know it. I once purchased a 7" by Step Aside the band (as featured on the A Change for the Better Comp, which I didn't figure out til later), hoping that they were named after the song and played hardcore in that vein, but the record didn't measure up.
Before I had an Ipod, I listened to these demos so many times on a burned CD that had an Icemen live set at the end, so after the final "NEXT … IN … LINE" I still expect to hear "right … this one's called … IT'LL BE YOUR GRAVE." Which is a fitting transition from Life of Agony subject matter, after all.
Although I love the later, more melodic direction that Life of Agony took (including Ugly), I also love their Depression Demo era sound, to which they never subsequently returned. That's my favorite thing about demos and live sets: that they capture songs and styles that would otherwise never have been preserved. Thanks to the internet, a lot more people have probably heard and loved this demo in the last few years. Maybe this article will provide the impetus for a few more of you to seek it out.
For those who already know and love the Depression Demo …as I mentioned earlier, I've been trying to reconstruct the lyrics in my notebook for some time. I'm not going to waste space by posting the whole thing here, but if you want to get in on this project, email me at rebeccamiller06@gmail.com and I can send you what I have so far. I'm still looking for help with the Eddie Sutton Merauder Demo lyrics too, so if you're down to decipher some lines about supernatural cycles and "of course I'd rather not make a cadaver," just look my way.













